On an average night, there are three women (one of whom speaks no Arabic, one of whom speaks no English) and roughly 13 men sleeping at our house. This automatically connotes a frat house environment, a stereotype that our particular men seem to embrace. Last night we started coming up with the list of "You know you live in an Iraqi frat house when..."
10. Despite having a cook who prepares full meals, the majority of the population ate meatballs for dinner last night. Meatballs and beer.
9. You fall asleep most nights at 4 a.m. to the sound of pool balls crashing together.
8. American movies worth watching are sorted into two categories: lots of violence or slapstick humor. Major bonus points for attractive women in either category.
7. Our 400 news channels from all over the world are ranked by how attractive the young female newscasters are. Al-Arabiya currently maintains a significant lead.
6. Serious discussions ensue fairly regularly about the possibility of inviting Moqtada al-Sadr to play pool.
5. You can't convince a soul that french fries are not a vegetable.
4. People regularly wonder aloud when they last showered.
3. The general consensus determines that it's acceptable for Iraqi women to wear hijab, but never Lebanese women because they're so much hotter.
2. Running upstairs for two minutes to wash your hands before taking a cookie from a platter of about 100 of them means no cookie for you.
1. At least three people are crowded around the Playstation in their boxers at all hours between 9 a.m. and 4 a.m.
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Best picture ever
For some reason, the Americans in our compound were really, really fascinated by the Larry Craig scandal. I guess it just struck us as so delightfully trivial that we couldn't resist. We read all the coverage, gossiped about the details, etc. The photo below depicts a particularly wonderful moment in which a conversation about Iraqi politics stopped dead when someone heard a CNN anchor announce the start of the audio tape of Craig's interview with the police. These brilliant, talented people leaped off the couch and crowded around the TV to hear every word. None of us could stop laughing for a good 10 minutes. Fortunately, someone had a camera, and you can even make out Craig's face on the TV (and yet, you can't recognize any of these people unless you know them personally).
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Walking
Tonight I walked over to the hotel across the street for a glass of wine with a bunch of other westerners. On the way over, one of our guards escorted me, brandishing his AK-47 the whole way. This hotel couldn't be more than 100 steps from our front door, but in order to go anywhere I need an escort.
Still, even our security guards aren't obsessive enough to sit and wait for me to come out, so I got to make the long walk home by myself. I didn't think anything of it when I set out, but while I was walking down the block I realized how nice it was to just walk at night by myself and look up at the sky. It was the most relaxing moment I've had since I've been here, and although it didn't last long it was fairly refreshing. Most people take for granted the ability to walk down a silent street late at night, but I think I had forgotten how wonderful those moments can be.
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road
...
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
Still, even our security guards aren't obsessive enough to sit and wait for me to come out, so I got to make the long walk home by myself. I didn't think anything of it when I set out, but while I was walking down the block I realized how nice it was to just walk at night by myself and look up at the sky. It was the most relaxing moment I've had since I've been here, and although it didn't last long it was fairly refreshing. Most people take for granted the ability to walk down a silent street late at night, but I think I had forgotten how wonderful those moments can be.
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road
...
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Scattershot
I don't have anything cohesive to say, so here are some tidbits:
--S, one of my Iraqi coworkers, is coming to DC in November, which should be fun. The company is paying for his flight and hotel stay to thank him for being a good employee, etc. The big boss is already planning lots of parties, tours and the like.
--I think I'm staying in Iraq an extra week. It's not official yet, but that looks like the plan. That will mean I will have been here for about 10 weeks.
--Somehow I just discovered that the people next door get large shipments of magazines from the States each week. Even better, the most recent Sports Illustrated, which they gave me, has an article about Jack Cust!
--People tend to get a little... creative when it comes to alcohol purchases in Iraq. The liquor store in the Green Zone just closed, so Americans haul in whatever they can carry from the duty-free shop in Amman. Still, though, I'm not sure that excuses the consumption of Skyy melon vodka. I can assure you it's disgusting even by our lowered standards.
--There's a possibility that Tuesday will be a big day -- Petraeus is holding a meeting to talk about the Sept. report... it could make headlines.
--Did anybody see this coming?
--S, one of my Iraqi coworkers, is coming to DC in November, which should be fun. The company is paying for his flight and hotel stay to thank him for being a good employee, etc. The big boss is already planning lots of parties, tours and the like.
--I think I'm staying in Iraq an extra week. It's not official yet, but that looks like the plan. That will mean I will have been here for about 10 weeks.
--Somehow I just discovered that the people next door get large shipments of magazines from the States each week. Even better, the most recent Sports Illustrated, which they gave me, has an article about Jack Cust!
--People tend to get a little... creative when it comes to alcohol purchases in Iraq. The liquor store in the Green Zone just closed, so Americans haul in whatever they can carry from the duty-free shop in Amman. Still, though, I'm not sure that excuses the consumption of Skyy melon vodka. I can assure you it's disgusting even by our lowered standards.
--There's a possibility that Tuesday will be a big day -- Petraeus is holding a meeting to talk about the Sept. report... it could make headlines.
--Did anybody see this coming?
Monday, August 13, 2007
This American Life
This post has nothing to do in Iraq, except that this is a discovery I made when we were trapped in the house for four days last week because of a total vehicle curfew for a Shiite pilgrimage. I think I may be the last person I know to discover This American Life, and JFR/IVK/MHG/SEK/CPR have certainly done their fair share of telling me to start listening to it, but it took me until last week. Now, of course, I'm totally obsessed.
For the other people out there who live under a rock like me, This American Life is a public radio program that is produced in Chicago* every week. The basic structure is that they take a theme and record a series of "acts" about that theme. These are usually people talking about life experiences, but occasionally there's fiction involved (in my opinion, the non-fiction parts are so much better). All of the past episodes are available for free on their web site. It's a totally addicting way to spend an hour.
If you've never heard the show or just aren't a regular listener, here's a list of my favorites to start with. Most of them are about seemingly mundane themes, but they're fantastic. I've probably only heard about 15 episodes, so if you're a junkie too, tell me your favorites!
Notes on Camp: Stories about the kinds of camps that become a huge part of kids' identities. I went to a couple of different camps as a kid but never had the classic experience of going back year after year (and now I get jealous when OFH tells stories!), so I lived vicariously through this program.
Somewhere in the Arabian Sea: All about life in a war zone... sort of. Stories about people living on an aircraft carrier during the War on Terror. The first act is about the woman who stocks the ship's vending machines, who has only seen the outside world once in the several months she's been onboard. Plus, there's a totally hilarious interview with a guy who joined the military instead of going to jail.
Classifieds: Stories culled from one day's classified ads. Ever wondered about why somebody is selling their brand-new Mercedes or what that crazy personal ad means? Me too. Listen.
Recordings for Someone: A must-hear if you went to CU, it's the story about the most famous ROLM phone message ever! Totally hilarious, with some more serious but no less valuable stuff toward the end.
The Ten Commandments: A sometimes funny, often poignant look at the 10 Commandments, with a different story for each one. Everything from an examination of "Thou shall not kill" in a war zone to a tale of a 10-year-old boy who can't take his own name in vain.
*Update! IVK's mommy informs me that This American Life has moved to New York, which is tremendously sad because I have never been to Chicago and liked learning things about it from Ira. And let's be honest, as much as I love New York, it has a bratty tendency to hog all the good stuff. But I'm confused, because the TAL homepage still says "Chicago Public Radio Presents" in big blue letters at the top. Chicago people and Ira loyalists, explain please.
p.s. Is the tv show any good?
For the other people out there who live under a rock like me, This American Life is a public radio program that is produced in Chicago* every week. The basic structure is that they take a theme and record a series of "acts" about that theme. These are usually people talking about life experiences, but occasionally there's fiction involved (in my opinion, the non-fiction parts are so much better). All of the past episodes are available for free on their web site. It's a totally addicting way to spend an hour.
If you've never heard the show or just aren't a regular listener, here's a list of my favorites to start with. Most of them are about seemingly mundane themes, but they're fantastic. I've probably only heard about 15 episodes, so if you're a junkie too, tell me your favorites!
Notes on Camp: Stories about the kinds of camps that become a huge part of kids' identities. I went to a couple of different camps as a kid but never had the classic experience of going back year after year (and now I get jealous when OFH tells stories!), so I lived vicariously through this program.
Somewhere in the Arabian Sea: All about life in a war zone... sort of. Stories about people living on an aircraft carrier during the War on Terror. The first act is about the woman who stocks the ship's vending machines, who has only seen the outside world once in the several months she's been onboard. Plus, there's a totally hilarious interview with a guy who joined the military instead of going to jail.
Classifieds: Stories culled from one day's classified ads. Ever wondered about why somebody is selling their brand-new Mercedes or what that crazy personal ad means? Me too. Listen.
Recordings for Someone: A must-hear if you went to CU, it's the story about the most famous ROLM phone message ever! Totally hilarious, with some more serious but no less valuable stuff toward the end.
The Ten Commandments: A sometimes funny, often poignant look at the 10 Commandments, with a different story for each one. Everything from an examination of "Thou shall not kill" in a war zone to a tale of a 10-year-old boy who can't take his own name in vain.
*Update! IVK's mommy informs me that This American Life has moved to New York, which is tremendously sad because I have never been to Chicago and liked learning things about it from Ira. And let's be honest, as much as I love New York, it has a bratty tendency to hog all the good stuff. But I'm confused, because the TAL homepage still says "Chicago Public Radio Presents" in big blue letters at the top. Chicago people and Ira loyalists, explain please.
p.s. Is the tv show any good?
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Iraqi media
Here's the thing about Iraqi television stations: they make things up. Some of you more cynical types might think that the U.S. media does the same, but you're wrong.
Today a member of our Iraqi staff saw on a breaking news ticker at the bottom of the newscast that there was a massive protest against the government downtown. We thought this was a bit strange, especially since it was after curfew. A friend of A's lives in that neighborhood, so we called him. He was in the middle of enjoying a nice, quiet dinner with his wife. There was no protest outside, he assured us.
Okay, but maybe it was on the next street over and he just couldn't hear it. We decided to call the police station in that neighborhood, which is centrally located. The desk clerk laughed when he heard the question. "You know it's past curfew, right?" he asked A. "Well, yes, but it was on al-Shariqiya, so we figured we should check," A replied.
The officer laughed. Loudly.
"You get your news from Shariqiya?" he said. "You know they make it all up, right?"
Today a member of our Iraqi staff saw on a breaking news ticker at the bottom of the newscast that there was a massive protest against the government downtown. We thought this was a bit strange, especially since it was after curfew. A friend of A's lives in that neighborhood, so we called him. He was in the middle of enjoying a nice, quiet dinner with his wife. There was no protest outside, he assured us.
Okay, but maybe it was on the next street over and he just couldn't hear it. We decided to call the police station in that neighborhood, which is centrally located. The desk clerk laughed when he heard the question. "You know it's past curfew, right?" he asked A. "Well, yes, but it was on al-Shariqiya, so we figured we should check," A replied.
The officer laughed. Loudly.
"You get your news from Shariqiya?" he said. "You know they make it all up, right?"
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I get a lot of crazy e-mail about projects I've worked on. The crazies come from all sides of the political spectrum and seem to think I have a special pipeline to Bush, Maliki or the CEO of my company (none of these things are true). Here are some favorites:
=
=
I'm not sure if you can help me but maybe you can send me in the right direction. I'm writing a screenplay involving international military operations both covert and public. Where do you go when you want to find specific details of international military operations for example ex-military personell.
Thanx,
Demetrius
=
(the CAPS are his, not mine)
You are now saying what I have tried to tell my political representatives since 2003 when I retired and started researching the Iraq debacle. Reference to Senator Durbin and O/Bama regarding letters attempting to get them to inquire within their own experience why the way out of Iraq has left completely the WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE out of consideration.
Second, another bump in the road that U.S. is constantly hounding the Parliament with is the Oil Project. This is very important to the Iraqi process of survival due to their income for operations and distribution - 95% of which comes from OIL. . The OIL PROJECT document as written by U.S. is an indicator of not serving good will with favor. Over 75% of the oil revenue would be distributed to U.S. and 4 large oil companies. Results: financial suicide if the Parliament permits this instrument to live. Thus the reason the Oil Project is shelved by the Parliament until adjustments are agreed to.
Which brings about another problem for Bush since he has his STAY THE COURSE mantra blaring but not considered by most WHY.. The WHY is the OIL PROJECT. Without this document being signed, there can be no representation of even perhaps exiting Iraq. This due to the promises at the inception of the invasion or prior. The PNAC handbook states that all will share richly in the protection of our assets - OIL. To those who had an inkling otherwise, the only reason for the invasion was OIL and is still OIL or the revenue of.
My hope is that you and other reporters can use the IRAQ CONDITION issue to awake those who only think military and political to attain another view more directly related to success in Iraq FOR ALL IRAQ.
WC
=
(CCed to the CEO of my company, president@whitehouse.gove, vicepresident@whitehouse.gov)
Of course you hid the report on the devastating conditions in Iraq as a result of George Bush's war that you love and support. You don't want people to know how he and you murdered and maimed innocent people and destroyed a country for no good reason. George Bush, Dick Cheney and you make America sick. And that's nothing compared to what you've done to Iraq.
Of course you hid the report on the devastating conditions in Iraq as a result of George Bush's war that you love and support. You don't want people to know how he and you murdered and maimed innocent people and destroyed a country for no good reason. George Bush, Dick Cheney and you make America sick. And that's nothing compared to what you've done to Iraq.
SD
Alexandria, VA
=
(in response to an Oxfam report about declining humanitarian conditions in Iraq)
Oh yes life in Iraq was much better before we came and screwed it up. The practice of towing a power tree shredder into a family yard and putting the wife and kids in feet first, while dad watched the goo spraying all over the side of the house, was much better than now .... don't ya think? Or how about the 500 person mass grave yards, where people were buried alive clutching their children? Or the village gas killings? Just harmless play ... right?
John
=
(in response to an Oxfam report about declining humanitarian conditions in Iraq)
Oh yes life in Iraq was much better before we came and screwed it up. The practice of towing a power tree shredder into a family yard and putting the wife and kids in feet first, while dad watched the goo spraying all over the side of the house, was much better than now .... don't ya think? Or how about the 500 person mass grave yards, where people were buried alive clutching their children? Or the village gas killings? Just harmless play ... right?
John
=
I'm not sure if you can help me but maybe you can send me in the right direction. I'm writing a screenplay involving international military operations both covert and public. Where do you go when you want to find specific details of international military operations for example ex-military personell.
Thanx,
Demetrius
=
(the CAPS are his, not mine)
You are now saying what I have tried to tell my political representatives since 2003 when I retired and started researching the Iraq debacle. Reference to Senator Durbin and O/Bama regarding letters attempting to get them to inquire within their own experience why the way out of Iraq has left completely the WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE out of consideration.
Second, another bump in the road that U.S. is constantly hounding the Parliament with is the Oil Project. This is very important to the Iraqi process of survival due to their income for operations and distribution - 95% of which comes from OIL. . The OIL PROJECT document as written by U.S. is an indicator of not serving good will with favor. Over 75% of the oil revenue would be distributed to U.S. and 4 large oil companies. Results: financial suicide if the Parliament permits this instrument to live. Thus the reason the Oil Project is shelved by the Parliament until adjustments are agreed to.
Which brings about another problem for Bush since he has his STAY THE COURSE mantra blaring but not considered by most WHY.. The WHY is the OIL PROJECT. Without this document being signed, there can be no representation of even perhaps exiting Iraq. This due to the promises at the inception of the invasion or prior. The PNAC handbook states that all will share richly in the protection of our assets - OIL. To those who had an inkling otherwise, the only reason for the invasion was OIL and is still OIL or the revenue of.
My hope is that you and other reporters can use the IRAQ CONDITION issue to awake those who only think military and political to attain another view more directly related to success in Iraq FOR ALL IRAQ.
WC
Friday, July 20, 2007
Fun
Several friends and family members seem to think I'm working too hard and not having enough fun. Others have asked some variation of the question "What in the world do you do for fun in Baghdad?" The answer is not much, at least outside our tiny little neighborhood. But that's not to say we don't have any fun at all!
I've mentioned the swimming pool in the back yard, which feels pretty great when it's 115 degrees. Although everyone in our house is very liberal when it comes to social customs (I wear jeans and a t-shirt, not an abaya, in the house, which I wouldn't normally be able to do in a house full of Muslim men not related to me), a bathing suit would still be pushing the comfort limit for some of them. Consequently, I wear shorts and a t-shirt in the pool, which makes it difficult to swim laps but is fine for floating around. My friend and co-worker D had never been in a swimming pool before she started working here, so she asked me to teach her to swim. She's perfectly comfortable getting in the water, but the idea of actually swimming scares her a bit. I taught a few swim lessons back in my lifeguarding days, so I have some idea of how to do this, but D is going to be a challenge. I started by having her hold on to the side and kick her legs, but as soon as I let go, she stopped kicking. We've got some work to do.
Tonight the people in the hotel next door (who all work in "the industry") are throwing a party, which will be a rare chance for me to socialize with people who don't live here. They're almost all Americans, and almost all of them have been here for several months, so I'll be the new kid in the group. I don't think this will be a huge rager, but it should be fun.
Still, even though I'm having fun I realize there are so many things I don't get to do. Yesterday afternoon the two women in our office, D and I, went out shopping in the downtown neighborhood of Karrada. They very kindly asked me if they could bring me anything (and D ended up bringing me a very cool light-reflecting Iraq paperweight), but I didn't have anything else to do and wanted to go out with them. Of course I couldn't; it's too dangerous for an American to walk around out in the open, but it made me fiercely jealous.
I've mentioned the swimming pool in the back yard, which feels pretty great when it's 115 degrees. Although everyone in our house is very liberal when it comes to social customs (I wear jeans and a t-shirt, not an abaya, in the house, which I wouldn't normally be able to do in a house full of Muslim men not related to me), a bathing suit would still be pushing the comfort limit for some of them. Consequently, I wear shorts and a t-shirt in the pool, which makes it difficult to swim laps but is fine for floating around. My friend and co-worker D had never been in a swimming pool before she started working here, so she asked me to teach her to swim. She's perfectly comfortable getting in the water, but the idea of actually swimming scares her a bit. I taught a few swim lessons back in my lifeguarding days, so I have some idea of how to do this, but D is going to be a challenge. I started by having her hold on to the side and kick her legs, but as soon as I let go, she stopped kicking. We've got some work to do.
Tonight the people in the hotel next door (who all work in "the industry") are throwing a party, which will be a rare chance for me to socialize with people who don't live here. They're almost all Americans, and almost all of them have been here for several months, so I'll be the new kid in the group. I don't think this will be a huge rager, but it should be fun.
Still, even though I'm having fun I realize there are so many things I don't get to do. Yesterday afternoon the two women in our office, D and I, went out shopping in the downtown neighborhood of Karrada. They very kindly asked me if they could bring me anything (and D ended up bringing me a very cool light-reflecting Iraq paperweight), but I didn't have anything else to do and wanted to go out with them. Of course I couldn't; it's too dangerous for an American to walk around out in the open, but it made me fiercely jealous.
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